4th Quest [Audio, early morning] [Dawntrail spoilers]

[bladeofnymeia]

[She's awake. Has been, since the weakest strains of dawn. But Firoza has not the energy or the desire to project any image of herself when she makes this post. She just wishes to speak to someone. Anyone. Even if no one deigns to respond.]

...So these months. The ones where new arrivals begin to appear. The hazy ones.

[A pause. A stifled sigh.]

They feel as dreams sometimes. Especially when whomever you met does not remain once the air clears. And...I am not opposed to dreams. Bittersweet though they might be. But it does make me wonder something.

[As much as Firoza is keeping her tone even, the emotion that seeps out is palpable. Heavy, tender sorrow. Longing and loneliness, and...a sparkling, defiant mote of hope.]

Do you think...a-and if this is personal to you, please, do not feel you have to respond. But could it be possible that the living are not the only ones who can find themselves here? That...that those who ought to have passed on, in one way or another, could still...appear?

[Just gripping those fuzzy memories of reuniting to her heart, bidding them not to escape. It would be too much.]

I ask only because...well. I adore you all, truthfully. Even if we have not been introduced properly. But I cannot ignore how sorely I miss so many from home. Both those who live, and those who do not. I just...even in a new form, I...I'd like to be a little selfish, and hope to see them again.

[She ends it there, but not without a definite sense of being torn by this desire. Both an insistent palm pressed to a deep bruise, and a gnawing worry tinged with gold.

"Am I as they were? So desperate to preserve their dead, allowing them no rest, no renewal? Stagnant and ever present in a dream?"

The thought doesn't mean to come out, but it does. Oh, it does.]

Comments

[bladeofnymeia]

...Every death is important. At least, I would argue as much. But if the sentiment makes you uncomfortable, I will not press it.

[Even the smallest of losses from those she barely knew can still hurt, some days.]

[dripdrive]

I don't care, really. [Anasui shrugs. He doesn't feel strongly about his own death. It's life he's uncomfortable with.

... In any case.]

... I'm guessing you saw someone you missed, didn't you?

[bladeofnymeia]

Two someones. One who...can't come back from where he's gone. Not without a lot of concerns and questions raised. The other...well. My most sincere wish is for him to be reborn someday, into a life kinder and longer than the one he lived, to match the unflappable kindness he would give.

[dripdrive]

... This world is filled with a lot of concerns and questions. So don't be surprised if you end up seeing them or not.

... Bah... There's nothing wrong with missing people you've lost. It just means they were important to you.

[bladeofnymeia]

[A soft sigh.]

I just happen to have lost a lot of people, in truth. To death, to fates one cannot escape. To simple partings of ways. Those two...they aren't the only ones who would leave me like this.

[She cares. She cares too godsdamned much, and she still wouldn't change that for anything.]

[dripdrive]

Ugh... Fate. It's utter bullshit. I hate that word. [Anasui bristles at the word Fate, but after a moment he relaxes, pushing the image of a priest aside.

After a long moment, Anasui responds.]

'Lost'. Sounds like they're still with you, in some way. Scarred into your heart. For better or for worse.

[But there's nothing else Anasui can say to her about that. He can't relate. Anasui doesn't care enough. However, he is actively trying to change that and care more. To have the drive to do the right thing and want to help others despite getting hurt in the end... To care... It's commendable.]

[bladeofnymeia]

I don't mind it so much. It's not nearly as cut and dry as people like to think - it's mutable. Er...at least I think that's the word. Changeable?

[The Spinner had chosen her, after all, according to Eorzean Astrology. You didn't get more tied to fate than being an adherent to Nymeia.]

But...yes. I suppose my heart is quite scarred. [She sounds almost proud of it, though.]

[dripdrive]

Hmph... Maybe you just have a better experience of it. Or not had to deal with a megalomaniac obsessed with fate.

[Anasui doesn't keep the contempt out of his voice. The guy who killed him was trying to gain control of destiny and all. He also heard what that guy did to Emporio. He wants none of that.]

Hmph... [Anasui doesn't know what to say that won't sound either super mushy or really rude at first..] Well... At least you're still keeping on. Just don't expect to be okay if you keep having to grieve like that. Or whatever.

[bladeofnymeia]

Oh, I've met full many souls who could be described as megalomaniacs. Some thought they dabbled in fate as well.

[Just unfurls the list of motherfuckers she's had to knock around...]

...Ah. Well, I've weathered grief before, repeatedly. And, I don't know any other way to be besides...stubborn? Can't quite let go of hope no matter what.

[That kind of shit will get her killed one day, surely. But it's something she accepts with open arms.]

[dripdrive]

[Perhaps someone kinder would tell her that it's okay to be not okay. That she is allowed to be upset and want people to appear here. That wanting to meet loved ones again isn't a weakness and she's not selfish for wanting to see them again, especially since she's weathered so much.

Anasui isn't that guy but he is someone who also believes in hope. If they were face to face, he'd nod in approval.]

... Yeah. You got to keep striving for the promise of tomorrow. I know how that feels. You seem to be fine with doing so so far. Just don't crash. Save some hope for the rest of us.

[That could be mistaken for a joke, if not for the vehement aggression behind it. Take care of yourself, idiot.]

[bladeofnymeia]

[You can almost hear the grin in her voice as she responds,] Oh, there's plenty to go around in spades. No worries in that regard.

[She just! Feels! So much! She's always been that way. So if she can ever share that hope around, she tries to.]